Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Where in the Constitution?

I do not know the Delaware Republican Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell at all, other than the hype over her supposed First Amendment debacle. But in her defense:

Separation of church and state is not mentioned in the constitution.

The clause, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion” is not synonymous with the phrase ‘separation of church and state.’ In context this clause means the government would not (as it literally states) make a law respecting the establishing of a religion. The most obvious example they were seeking to avoid being something similar to The Church of England. There would be no Church of America.

Demonstrably more foolish than anything Christine O’Donnell said was Ken Paulson’s drivel (even when he had time to think about it). The President of the First Amendment Center said the First Amendment “means that creationism cannot be taught in America’s public schools.” Now this is what should have made everyone laugh.

Blinding flash of the obvious moment: The Declaration of Independence states: “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights…” If, Mr. Paulson, the First Amendment means that creationism cannot be taught, how is it that the Declaration of Independence refers to a Creator (with a capital ‘C’)? Acknowledging a Creator necessarily supposes a creation. And I’m pretty sure the Declaration of Independence is a government document.

Who made you president of the First Amendment Center? I declare myself president of the First Amendment….ummm….Alliance, yeah, Alliance.


  1. Here here the first amendment was put there to keep people from being excluded from the public debate because they have a different opinion. In schools critical thinking can only be taught if different viewpoints are discussed. Oh wait school are looking to indoctrinate not educate.

  2. Ignorance is so sad and frustrating! The laughter in the room when she asked where that statement was in the Constitution was one of the saddest things I have ever heard. People have bought the lie and are too lazy to read it themselves.

  3. Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

    It is for this reason that I believe this alternative theory must be taught in our schools, along with the other two theories. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

    Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power.

    What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

    I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this post is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

    I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to our children. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (Pastafarianism), and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

  4. So cute, yet so bedraggled and overused. These poor silly people can't come up with anything innovative or original. At the same time...amazing how much this sounds like string theory.